Stacy Scheidweiler

"My name is Stacy, and I am a mother to my son, Sam, who died by suicide. He was tall, blonde, blue-eyed, and 23 years of age. I was so proud when he graduated from college with a BA in Criminal Justice and became a Probation Officer to help people suffering with mental health issues. 

What are the odds, right? 

What I didn't know is that my own son was suffering from the same exact thing. 

I never thought that my boy--my sweet, thoughtful, loving child and college graduate--had hidden demons living in his head. 

Now, I look back at ALL the signs. The signs would have slapped you in the face. I hold onto guilt and think: how will I ever forgive myself? 

Will Sam ever forgive me? 

I know Sam loved me. I was his mother! But mental illness is a horrible disease. I am trying to educate myself and my hope is to start talking more about Sam and his demons as a means of accepting that he is gone. 

He thought that suicide was his only way to end his pain. Now, his pain is my pain. 

My life is forever changed, and I miss my baby boy every single day. And I will continue to share my story because I know mental health awareness is needed and Sam is depending on me.