"My name is Becky and my only son, Eli, died by suicide with a gun on January 16, 2015.
He called me before it happened, but I had no clue what he had planned after we hung up the phone. I thought he called to blow off steam as usual and that I would see him that night when I got home from work. Our last words to each other were: “I love you.”
Half an hour later, the call came and I just couldn’t believe he was gone…I either couldn’t believe it or didn’t want to. It will forever be the worst day of my life.
Giving birth to Eli was one of the happiest days of my life, and his passing was the worst. His short 34 years were not nearly long enough.
Prior to his death, he was on disability for three years with PTSD. Eli had a hard time dealing with bad things that had happened in his life as a teen and even with the medication that he was given, it wasn’t enough when he hit his lows. So, he started self-medicating with heroin when he felt down and wanted to be picked up again. I will say that even in the throes of his drug use, he was a responsible father and husband.
Eli was the father of two great boys, Blayne (now 8-years-old) and Logan (now 7-years-old). Eli was one of the best fathers I’ve ever known and he did everything with them. He was such a proud dad and he loved them so much. He was their tee-ball coach, and he took them fishing, bike riding, and three-wheeling all the time. He lived for those boys and it was such a shock to know that he left them behind—he always promised that he’d never leave them.
As Eli’s mom, I still can’t fully understand his absence. Some days, it doesn’t seem real and I hope I will wake up from my nightmare.
He was my only son. I never wanted a boy, but the day he was born changed all of that. He was so special to me and I felt so proud to say: “this is my son.”
Now, I spend as much time as I can with Blayne and Logan. I want to keep the love Eli had for them alive and make sure they know he loved them.
I don’t ever want them to forget the wonderful man he was."